Let me start by saything that I feel like I had my very own Carrie Bradshaw "Post It" send off.
So, I met this guy a few weeks ago and we finally decided to meet up on Thursday for a coffee (tea) thing before my meeting. The meet up was great, we hit it off like peas and carrots. We chatted after my meeting and decided to go on a "proper date" on Friday. We were both surprised by how well things were going.
Well, cold weather came through, the snow started, and that was the begining of the end. Some of the pipes in his building bursted, so already that caused a cancellation in our plans. No big deal, it was snowing, we closed early, these things happen. In fact, I would say some of the best things in life start out a little hectic and chaotic, but that's just me and we know that I'm a little quirky like that.
Any way, I digress. So we had fun e-mail exchange, chatted on the phone, talked about how bummed we were, and rescheduled for Saturday after my class, etc. Well, the story gets better. Those plans were done around say 1:30-2pm. All of a sudden I get an e-mail from him at 3:59pm that says:
Zahrah, our connection doesn't feel right to me.
The water is a wake up call.
It's time for me to say goodbye.
Thank you and good luck,
-mr. nutjob
Now I'm all about signs and symbols, but what about the fact that you made a connection with another person. It's hard to date or even make friends post-college, so you should take advantage when they come your way. I have done the girl thing of going through this over and over again in my head, but there's really nothing that I could have done differently. I mean, if he had said, "I'm not attracted to you," "I like someone else," "being around you made me realize that I'm gay," WHATEVER...would have made more sense.
How you go from I'm literally "I've been thinking about you since we met" to "our connection doesn't feel right" within three hours is so far beyond me. Oh well, at least there's something for your reading pleasure! I shall continue fighting the good fight...lol
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Lessons learned on this journey...
While I should be reading reflection papers and preparing for class on Saturday, I just can't concentrate. Maybe it's the anticipation of a Friday Snow Day, I don't know. In the mean time, I'll blog and give you a distraction for later.
First let me say that I hope you enjoying reading my online dating adventures as much as I enjoy sharing. It's cathardic and, in some ways, putting myself out there has become a part of the grieving process. Any way, I've been on the road too much for any significant actual dates, so I thought I'd share some conversations and things I have learned.
1. The police officer trainer. He's a former cop, a little too much of an eager beaver, and definitely a mama's boy. The conversation was great, but we didn't get the chance to meet up. I'm thinking this is a good thing because anyone who calls and texts as often as he did screams needy. I mean, I'm all for talking about my future and the hopes to have a family; HOWEVER, please don't start planning our future together before even meeting me. I mean, yes, I'm sure you would think I'm awesome, but I like to wait until we at least MEET. Also, the prospect of a weekend getaway is fantastic, talking about a weekend getaway (out of the country at that) for the first date...not so much
2. Guys in their early 20s (21-24) want a relationship, guys in their mid to very early 30s (26-32) want to just date around, and guys in their mid 30s and beyond (35+) want to hook up. This is a distinct contradiction to where women are at these ages.
3. The number of men I who are still in relationships but post online profiles never ceases to amaze me. No, I'm not on some adultry website, they're going after the single ladies. I just can't imagine what goes through a person's mind to do that.
4. Apparently the request to see "middles" is some online code for full body photo exchange and then some. Yeah, sorry...go check out Maxim, Playboy, etc. I'll pass on your request, thanks though!
5. I love when guys say, "oh you're Catholic...cool, I used to be Catholic once"
My response is usually slow, "what do you mean used to be Catholic"
Him: "Well, like I used to go to mass and stuff, I was confirmed, I'm just not Catholic any more"
me: Um...I hate to tell you this, but you're still Catholic. You can't become "unCatholic" you don't "de-baptize" or "unconfirm" yourself. You're just not a practicing Catholic any more, but that's your choice.
this conversation goes on for a little while and the conversation usually ends with some kind of scathy reference about Catholic girls and how maybe I can save him. While I am a woman of many powers, I don't know that I can offer that much of a conversion. Sorry buddy, but it's not about me, it's about Him.
6. It doesn't matter what dating website you're on (trust me, i'm on plenty of them), it is still hard to find a good guy. the thing about online dating is that rather than seeing 10 undatables in your social setting you now have hundreds of men who have more issues than a middle aged divorcee support group. Seriously, men love the drama as much if not more than women.
I'll keep fighting the good fight, putting myself out there, and approaching it all with a sense of humor. In the mean time, maybe I need to look at jDate...the jewish boys do love a nice Catholic girl :)
First let me say that I hope you enjoying reading my online dating adventures as much as I enjoy sharing. It's cathardic and, in some ways, putting myself out there has become a part of the grieving process. Any way, I've been on the road too much for any significant actual dates, so I thought I'd share some conversations and things I have learned.
1. The police officer trainer. He's a former cop, a little too much of an eager beaver, and definitely a mama's boy. The conversation was great, but we didn't get the chance to meet up. I'm thinking this is a good thing because anyone who calls and texts as often as he did screams needy. I mean, I'm all for talking about my future and the hopes to have a family; HOWEVER, please don't start planning our future together before even meeting me. I mean, yes, I'm sure you would think I'm awesome, but I like to wait until we at least MEET. Also, the prospect of a weekend getaway is fantastic, talking about a weekend getaway (out of the country at that) for the first date...not so much
2. Guys in their early 20s (21-24) want a relationship, guys in their mid to very early 30s (26-32) want to just date around, and guys in their mid 30s and beyond (35+) want to hook up. This is a distinct contradiction to where women are at these ages.
3. The number of men I who are still in relationships but post online profiles never ceases to amaze me. No, I'm not on some adultry website, they're going after the single ladies. I just can't imagine what goes through a person's mind to do that.
4. Apparently the request to see "middles" is some online code for full body photo exchange and then some. Yeah, sorry...go check out Maxim, Playboy, etc. I'll pass on your request, thanks though!
5. I love when guys say, "oh you're Catholic...cool, I used to be Catholic once"
My response is usually slow, "what do you mean used to be Catholic"
Him: "Well, like I used to go to mass and stuff, I was confirmed, I'm just not Catholic any more"
me: Um...I hate to tell you this, but you're still Catholic. You can't become "unCatholic" you don't "de-baptize" or "unconfirm" yourself. You're just not a practicing Catholic any more, but that's your choice.
this conversation goes on for a little while and the conversation usually ends with some kind of scathy reference about Catholic girls and how maybe I can save him. While I am a woman of many powers, I don't know that I can offer that much of a conversion. Sorry buddy, but it's not about me, it's about Him.
6. It doesn't matter what dating website you're on (trust me, i'm on plenty of them), it is still hard to find a good guy. the thing about online dating is that rather than seeing 10 undatables in your social setting you now have hundreds of men who have more issues than a middle aged divorcee support group. Seriously, men love the drama as much if not more than women.
I'll keep fighting the good fight, putting myself out there, and approaching it all with a sense of humor. In the mean time, maybe I need to look at jDate...the jewish boys do love a nice Catholic girl :)
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